How do you talk to your kids about body safety without scaring them? And how do you actually keep them safe? In this episode, we’re joined by Mandi Pagliarini (@MandiTalksPredators), a writer, speaker, educator, and mother of two. Mandi is a survivor of sexual assault and child trafficking, and her advocacy focuses on prevention and harm reduction. She gives parents survivor-informed education about grooming and how predators operate.
Mandi explains why body safety should be an ongoing series of small conversations, like the way you teach manners, instead of one big talk. She also covers why the words you choose matter: say “share” instead of “tell,” and leave out “hurt” and “abuse.” She shares her “even if” statements, which let kids know they can come to you no matter who is involved or how the experience felt. We also talk about why boys may be more at risk than we realize, why teaching kids to “say no and fight back” often fails because of the freeze response, and what to teach them instead.
We also get into how grooming really works. Predators often groom the parents as well as the child, and they play a long game. Mandi walks through red flags to watch for, like an adult seeking time alone with your child or your child suddenly talking about one adult all the time. She shares practical steps for reducing risk, including open-door playdates, never leaving a child alone with an adult, and avoiding sleepovers. She also talks about how to stay body-positive with little ones without creating shame.
Mandi also shares parts of her own story, and why emotional regulation is the foundation that makes kids feel safe enough to come to you.
00:00 Trailer & Intro
02:00 Welcome Mandi Pagliarini
04:29 Why Body Safety Matters Today
06:30 Why Boys May Be More at Risk
09:17 Who Abusers Really Are
10:00 Small Talks, Not “The Big Talk”
11:30 Playdate Reminders
12:14 Risk Mitigation for Playdates
15:55 Say “Share,” Not “Tell”
17:48 Don’t Talk About Consequences
20:42 Using “Even If” Statements
23:25 Drop the Words “Hurt” and “Abuse”
25:44 How Grooming Escalates
27:45 How Predators Groom Parents and Kids
29:50 Red Flag: Seeking Alone Time
31:47 Signs Your Child Is Being Groomed
33:14 My Track Coach Story
37:00 Body Positivity With Little Kids
40:38 Keeping Sex Private Without Shame
43:44 What Age to Start the Conversation
48:30 How Much Information Is Enough
51:04 Sleepovers, Babysitters and Supervision
54:43 Mandi’s Story
57:52 Why “Say No” Doesn’t Work
61:12 Teach Kids to Fake an Excuse
61:50 The Freeze Response and Shame
64:44 The Gift of Fear and Intuition
67:26 Why Grooming Is So Confusing
71:07 “I Didn’t Know There Was Anything to Tell”
72:40 Books and Resources
75:29 Key Takeaways Recap
78:37 Why Parents’ Emotional Regulation Matters
80:26 Wrap Up
Resources From This Episode:
- Mandi’s Free Body Safety Guides for young kids – https://still-river-23314.myflodesk.com/freeguidetoprotectyourchildren
- Mandi’s Free Body Safety Guides for Teens – https://still-river-23314.myflodesk.com/freeguideforparents?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAabT2PVIe_Nq31TE1eMdOVtJ44GKI-COxfMMPIowXJp6-ewevDMmcCNrYLE_aem_LOcKJP_DXi-IkYka2FHLMA
- Check out Mandi’s website – https://www.mandiptalkspredators.com/
- Follow Mandi on Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/mandiptalkspredators/
- The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker – https://a.co/d/0bM0XMT0
- Good Pictures Bad Pictures by Kristen A. Jenson – https://a.co/d/05MOHhMJ
- The Place We Find Ourselves podcast –https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaSvh-rUtyY
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